So Long, 2020!

And so we reach the end of 2020. 

The year that I rushed through my passport renewal early on to make sure it had a burgundy cover. 

Right now it could be sky blue pink with yellow dots and it wouldn’t make any bloody difference.

Continue reading “So Long, 2020!”

A big, fat, So Long post about nothing at all really

I’d like to start this post with the oft-made observation that there’s no doubt that the pandemic has irreversibly changed all of our lives.

But what happens when you get to the point that you have no clear-cut rational clue of how it’s actually truly affected you?

Continue reading “A big, fat, So Long post about nothing at all really”

A prelude to a forthcoming Very Long Blog post

Writing is a peculiar thing.  There are people who create books and plays and rambling prose and poetry.  Sometimes they win awards for what they say out loud.  And other times they get told that what they decided to share with the world is utter shite.

Imagine that. Imagine being told that what you feel is not worthy.

This weekend I’m working on a mahoosive blog post. 

It’s the biggest and most honest thing I’ve ever given away.  It won’t be comfortable reading and it certainly won’t win any awards.  My writing has never been about that – I’d have made a career of it otherwise.  But if it means I can really let go of what I’ve been feeling then it’s good enough for me.

Til then,

Shauna x

A short, sharp, shit weekend in Longland

Hey you lovely lot, it’s Sunday evening. You don’t need me to tell you how quickly they come around, particularly at the moment.

I’ve spent the past couple of hours writing a really lovely long blog post and for some inexplicable reason I’ve just somehow managed to delete the entire lot. That, I think, sums up the past couple of days perfectly.

I’ve not been feeling very well this week. One of those circuitous things. I had a pain in my chest. And I felt sad. And the more my chest hurt, the sadder I felt. And the sadder I felt, the more my chest hurt.

Hurts.

Anyway, I’ve taken long baths, had big sleeps and cuddled my cat.

I went to see beautiful trees with a friend whose patience knows no bounds.

I sat on the sofa in my pyjamas and fluffy socks, eating good food and watching boxsettedy bilge.

I’ve tried not to compare myself to anyone else or to my other self.

That bit was the hardest.

I miss my old, travelling life.

I miss everything I had that defined me.

I miss this.

And this.

And this too.

I hate that I’ve become someone who has no plans and nothing exciting to tell my friends and acquaintances. I hate that I’m having to make adventure and excitement out of nothing for the sake of having a tale to tell because that is what people expect of me and I expect of myself.

I don’t like not having anything to say.

But as the weeks and months roll by I have fewer and fewer exciting things to share and I can’t help but feel that because of that I am becoming less and less of a person. I don’t have a partner, family, fantastic career or any of the things that people talk about.

I’ve only ever had my travel.

So the self-care weekend was really such a waste of time. There’s plenty I need more of in life – but sleep, good food and the sofa stuck to my back aren’t any of them.

I suppose at least the past couple of days have helped me to realise that.

Take care lovely people – and keep smiling. No need for you to have a so long face like mine!

Shauna x