In my previous post I was really happy to report heaps of positivity about what’s been going on in my life and how I was feeling about it all. Despite the world continuing to be a really shit place it felt great to be able to share so many sunny snippets, no matter how seemingly inconsequential they were.
But my newly-adopted mother-earth optimism also brought me to the conclusion that I’ve been horribly self-centred these past few months.
Being single, childless, with very little family, living alone, currently working alone and also for the most part, socialising (if you can call it that) alone, as well as being an introvert and solely responsible for my own survival, it’s hardly a surprise that since March I’ve headed further and further in to my own bellybutton (or up my own arse, depending on how you see it).
Put simply it’s been all me-me-me!
And while I don’t feel great about that, I’ve decided to forgive myself for it. I’ve merely been doing what I’ve needed to do to survive.
That said, I realised this week that now I’m starting to get my head around the weird new world that we’re all living in – and yes, that I am actually part of, who knew! – then I need to start ringing some changes.
So I’ve been trying harder to do nice things for other people whether it’s to help someone with something, spread a teeny tiny bit of positivity or start supporting a new worthy cause.
You may remember in my last post that I quoted John O’Donohue.
Well, here he is again:
“May you be blessed with good friends
And learn to be a good friend yourself
Journeying to that place in your soul where
There is love, warmth and feeling.
May this change you”.
A year ago this week I made a disastrous decision and in the end had to be rescued from the consequences of it. And if it wasn’t for those people around me who truly love and care for me – the ones who told me what I needed to hear, the ones who trudged through inches of mud to get me out, the ones who helped me get to a new place where I was safe to spend time taking stock and to be able to start to rebuild, well I don’t know what would have happened. But I know for sure that I wouldn’t have been in a position to open up my heart and write this so freely today.
I owe you each and every one of you so very much more than gratitude and kind gestures.
For now they are all I have but maybe one day I will be able to make it up to you.